RuneAxe
INPUT:
OUTPUT:
Limitation
This is a "spelling only" application — as it doesn't look up the alphabetic-word pronunciation.
- For "NG", there's an option to substitute all "NG"s as Ingwaz (ᛜ).
- For "EI", there's an option to substitute all "EI"s as Eihwaz (ᛇ).
In this "spelling only" spirit, take for instance,
BEAR = ᛒᛖᚨᚱ
or
BEER = ᛒᛖᛖᚱ.
🤦♂️☠️
A scholarly Norse bloke would utter,
Hm, so that how it sounds. Intriguing.
(Lips folded. Squinting.)
I want BEAER!
TWO!
History
The broad umbrella for this writing system is called the runic script.
This particular runic "alphabet" is called:
Elder Futhark
~150–800 AD. It consists of 24 runes. Used across early Germanic tribes: Goths, Anglo-Saxons, Norse.
Originally, it was just futhark — named after the first six letters (ᚠ ᚢ ᚦ ᚨ ᚱ ᚲ).
But when the Viking-era Norse simplified their script to only 16 runes (and others made variants too), scholars went:
Ah, we must be clever lads. Let's call this older set "Elder Futhark", and that one, "Younger".
It is a family within the alphabetic type — where each symbol (rune) broadly represents a phoneme (sound) of the language.
~800–1100 AD. 16 runes (indeed, fewer). Used in the Viking Age.
Futhorc 📐🧐 (Anglo-Saxon)
~400–1100 AD. An expansion of the "Elder Futhark" to around 28–33 runes, to cover all the oddball sounds in Old English.
So, the wandering Norse went lite — and the ones toddled off to the misty isle, saw the fog, heard the odd vowels, went deluxe.
Deluxe — as in they had time to over-articulate everything.
Say, friend, is that æ as in ash or æ as in that odd sheep bleat we heard last Thursday?
Blimey, "wandering Norse", as if they were lost looking for IKEA instructions:
Where's the fjord, lads? I thought we passed it an hour ago... Never mind, let's just simplify the bloody runes then! Commence. Oh wait, komens! ᚲᛟᛗᛖᚾᛊ
Elder futhark is split into 3 ættir (Old Norse). Ættir (plural — singular: ætt) means clans, families, or lineages.
Well, the Norse didn't inscribe ᛅᛏᛏᛁᚱ (ættir or attir) anywhere. No finding of
ᚨᛏᛏᛁᚱ = ættir, family of runes, cheers.
It's the modern scholarly reconstruction. They came up with it centuries later by observing the order and grouping of runes in a few surviving rune rows, then drew parallels.
Interested or not, here is the grouping:
| Freyr's Ætt | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Named after the god Freyr, associated with fertility, wealth, and kingship. | |||
| No. | Rune | Name | Sound |
| 1 | ᚠ | Fehu | /f/ |
| 2 | ᚢ | Uruz | /u/ |
| 3 | ᚦ | Thurisaz | /θ/ (th) |
| 4 | ᚨ | Ansuz | /a/ |
| 5 | ᚱ | Raidō | /r/ |
| 6 | ᚲ | Kaunan | /k/ |
| 7 | ᚷ | Gebu | /g/ |
| 8 | ᚹ | Wunjō | /w/ |
| Heimdall's Ætt | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Heimdall is the watchman of the gods, linked to vigilance and boundaries. | |||
| No. | Rune | Name | Sound |
| 9 | ᚺ | Hagalaz | /h/ |
| 10 | ᚾ | Naudiz | /n/ |
| 11 | ᛁ | Isa | /i/ |
| 12 | ᛃ | Jera | /j/ (y) |
| 13 | ᛇ | Eihwaz | /ei/ or /ī/ |
| 14 | ᛈ | Pertho | /p/ |
| 15 | ᛉ | Algiz | /z/ or /ʀ/ |
| 16 | ᛊ | Sowilo | /s/ |
| Tyr's Ætt | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Tyr is the god of law, justice, and heroic glory. | |||
| No. | Rune | Name | Sound |
| 17 | ᛏ | Tiwaz | /t/ |
| 18 | ᛒ | Berkanan | /b/ |
| 19 | ᛖ | Ehwaz | /e/ |
| 20 | ᛗ | Mannaz | /m/ |
| 21 | ᛚ | Laguz | /l/ |
| 22 | ᛜ | Ingwaz | /ŋ/ (ng) |
| 23 | ᛞ | Dagaz | /d/ |
| 24 | ᛟ | Othala | /oː/ |
Much like the Hebrew Alef-Bet or the Greek Alphabētos songs, these three ættir may have been memorised in sets, recited for learning, magical incantations, or poetic rhythm. Indeed, "may have been", because it would be easier to memorise that way. Again, it's a reconstruction by modern scholars.
Oh, let's sing the Alef-Bet song! We can try with the same melody as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". 🎵
Jolly good! 🥳
Alef, Bet, and Gimel too
(Twinkle, twinkle, little star) 🎵
Dalet, He, Vav, and Zayin
(How I wonder what you are) 🎵
Chet and Tet and Yod come next
(Up above the world so high) 🎵
Kaf and Final Kaf are set
(Like a diamond in the sky) 🎵
—
Lamed, Mem, and Final Mem
(Twinkle, twinkle, little star) 🎵
Nun and Final Nun again
(How I wonder what you are) 🎵
Samekh, Ayin, Pe, Tsadi
(Up above the world so high) 🎵
Final Tsadi hops with glee
(Like a diamond in the sky) 🎵
—
Qof and Resh and Shin and Tav
(Twinkle, twinkle, little star) 🎵
That's the Alef-Bet mm-hm
(How I wonder what you are) 🎵As you can see from the lyrics, it didn't go:
Oy vey, oy vey, I give up. I just need to shout bli-mey. 🎵
Instead, that above that 🤔, hence:
Now, the Greek Alphabētos! Similar, using "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" melody.
Huzzah! 🥳
Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta
(Twinkle, twinkle, little star) 🎵
Epsilon, Zeta, Eta, Theta
(How I wonder what you are) 🎵
Iota, Kappa, Lambda, Mu
(Up above the world so high)
Nu and Xi and Omicron too
(Like a diamond in the sky) 🎵
—
Pi and Rho, then Sigma's there
(Twinkle, twinkle, little star) 🎵
Tau and Up-si-lon are there
(How I wonder what you are) 🎵
Phi, Chi, Psi, then O-me-ga
(Up above the world so high) 🎵
We've sung Greek Al-pha-bē-tos
(Like a diamond in the sky) 🎵
—
Hm hm, hm hm, hm hm, hmmmm
(Twinkle, twinkle little star) 🎵
La la, la la, la la, laaaaorrgh ☠️
(How I wonder what you are) 🎵(Applause. 👏👏👏🥳🍾)
Ingwaz, Thorn, Sowilo, and Eihwaz Runes (sidenote)
ᛜ (Ingwaz) – "NG"
Used to represent the "ng" sound at the end of a word.
Example:
- sing = ᛊᛁᛜ or ᛋᛁᛜ
- strong = ᛊᛏᚱᛟᚾᛜ or ᛋᛏᚱᛟᚾᛜ
- Mid-word "ng" (e.g. singing, bongo) remains unchanged to avoid misrepresentation.
ᚦ (Thorn) – "TH"
Replaces the "th" digraph in all positions, whether at the start, middle, or end.
Covers both soft (as in this) and hard (as in thing) pronunciations.
Example:
- thorn = ᚦᛟᚱᚾ
- hath = ᚺᚨᚦ
- father = ᚠᚨᚦᛖᚱ
Sowilo Rune – ᛋ / ᛊ (S)
Represents the "S" sound, like in sun or sing.
Unicode defines two codepoints:
- ᛋ (U+16CB) – Standard form
- ᛊ (U+16CA) – Stylistic variant
Same sound, same function — only the appearance may differ depending on font.
If you see a strange hook, lightning bolt, or typographic prank, it's just Sowilo in disguise.
⚠️ Some fonts render ᛋ and ᛊ differently — but they're the same rune. Use either based on visual preference.
RuneAxe uses the ᛊ for Sowilo. Because it can.
Eihwaz Rune – ᛇ (EI)
Historically linked to the "yew tree", sometimes pronounced like ei, eo, or īə.
Phonetic value is unclear — scholars still argue whether it's a vowel, a tree, or a riddle. Or a shovel.
Not used in this app to represent "ei" or similar sounds due to its uncertain pronunciation and inconsistent usage across rune systems.
⚠️ RuneAxe skips ᛇ on purpose — because it's a phonetic wild card.
Use RuneAxe as Your Reference
Simply copy the link from the URL bar.
Sideways Glance
By the cravat power, every old European culture suddenly gained: prophetic elders, wandering tribes, sacred hills, chosen‑people motifs, tragic moral arcs, and that perpetual "fallen kingdom" vibe.
All reverse‑engineered because the scholars' primary interpretative tool was Scripture, so everything they touched turned biblical by osmosis. Blimey.
Then modern entertainment picked it up and turned the dial to eleven. Vikings? They must speak like King James extras. Celts? They must behave like a rejected Old Testament tribe with better hair. Romans? Oh they must have dramatic monologues like wandering prophets, except with sandals. Greeks? Oh, that guy over there with the camera. His name is Bob Greeks.
And then we — the innocent bystanders — connecting the dots, then realise something familiar:
Oh my, how fascinating! The Greeks, the Egyptians, the Babylonians... they all have similar motifs! That must mean divine truth permeates all civilisations!
Yes. 👀
Meanwhile,
a sweaty 18th‑century antiquarian with a Bible in his waistcoat, "reconstructing" mythologies like a dodgy LEGO set.
In a diagram:
[Prehistory happened — dragon to batding, I mean "dinosaur"]
⬇️
["Time immemorial" classification happened — "pre-rational", according to them]
⬇️
[Other grand civilisations prior to Rome occurred 🏯🛕🕍]
⬇️
[Rome occurred 🎺 — tunic, toga, and tax]
⬇️
[Wobbling Rome 🥴]
⬇️
[YESHUA (JESUS) occurred — The Divine Sysadmin ✨
— flipped everyone's expectation
— taught wondrous concepts and performed miracles]
⬇️
[Rome's political manoeuvre to keep the mass ⚖️
— though already wobbly 🥴
— Scripture: the Nicaea Production
— Constantine: "we need ONE version, lads"
several texts shown the door
— Theodosius: made it state religion, OUTLAWED alternatives
⬇️
[The Authorised Scripture was released by Rome 🖨️
— Jerome's VULGATE, 382-405 AD ⬅️ 23 grumpy years! In BETLEHEM!
Learning Hebrew from rabbis!]
⬇️
[Nestorians: outlawed, fled eastward with their texts
Rome: "good riddance"
—————————————————————
💡 Nestorians:
early followers of Yeshua
it is essentially Rome's term,
they didn't call themselves "Nestorians" in the first place
the Nestorians believed Yeshua's divine and human natures were distinct
Rome disagreed, Council of Ephesus 431 AD: "heresy!"
fled eastward into Persia, Central Asia, even China
carried enormous wealth of
Peshitta (Syriac translation of the Hebrew scriptures)
and Greek texts
their Syriac texts closer to
Yeshua's original Aramaic than Rome's own Latin Vulgate
—————————————————————
💡 "Nestorian", named after Nestorius
— the Archbishop of Constantinople from 428 AD
Nestorius stirred the pot theologically
⬇️
Council of Ephesus (431 AD), the "heresy" shouter,
called specifically to deal with him
"HERESY!", again
⬇️
he was declared heretical
⬇️
exiled to Egypt
⬇️
died in exile around 451 AD
⬇️
his followers (the Nestorians) carried the tradition eastward
—————————————————————]
⬇️
[Rome COLLAPSED 476 AD ☠️]
⬇️
[Early Middle Ages — power vacuum for a bit,
"a bit" as in more than 500 years of chaos,
chaos — but whose perception exactly?
well... decentralisation...
476 AD to 1000 AD approximately]
⬇️
[Charlemagne, "Right, I'll take over." 💥
— crowned 800 AD]
⬇️
[Carolingian Empire occurred 💥
— 800 AD to 888 AD approximately
— wobbled after Charlemagne died 814 AD]
⬇️
[Holy Roman Empire occurred 💥
— Otto I, 962 AD: and we shall call it HOLY and ROMAN
because Charlemagne claiming continuity with Rome...
JĀ, DAZ IST GUOT 👑]
⬇️
[Hundreds of years of Roman Catholic Church DOMINANCE across Europe
— High Middle Ages to Late Middle Ages
— roughly 1000 AD to 1500 AD]
⬇️
[Renaissance occurred 💥
— roughly 1400s to 1600s
— Classical texts rediscovered conveniently
CONVENIENTLY]
⬇️
[Copernicus occurred 1473-1543 💥
— De Revolutionibus Orbium Coelestium, 1543
— published on his deathbed
— worked on it privately for 30 years
— existing definition: ceiling rotates, floor static, lightbulb follows
Copernicus: I DISREGARD the static floor entirely
the LIGHTBULB is static — WE revolve around IT
CHEERIO]
⬇️
[REFORMATION occurred 🧐
— 1517 AD: Luther's 95 Theses nailed to Wittenberg door 🔨💥
— 1536 AD: Calvin: "allow me to explain Luther's explosion, systematically"
— the Church fracturing spectacularly from WITHIN
— running roughly 1517 to 1648 AD]
⬇️
[Society of Jesus (the Jesuits) founded 1540 💥
— Ignatius of Loyola, founder
— founded SPECIFICALLY as Rome's intellectual counter-attack,
directly responding to Luther and Calvin
the programme: universities, missions, confessional,
scientific involvement (hello, astronomy)]
⬇️
[Galileo occurred 1564-1642 💥
— Sidereus Nuncius, 1610
— Dialogo, 1632
— Galileo: INDEED! The lightbulb IS static!
I can OBSERVE and FORMULATE this!
Copernicus is right! YOU BABOONS have it backwards! 🍺
(warned 1616)
YOU BACKWARDS BABOONS!
(published Dialogo)
(warned 1632)
Church: HERESY!
Galileo: (house arrest 1633 — which lasted until his death 1642)]
⬇️
[Gregorian Calendar 1582 AD 💥
— Rome: fracture? What fracture?
you can't tell anything without A CALENDAR, peasant!
we shall control time... reference
and control we shall commence
— named after Pope Gregory XIII in 1582 AD
not even the original calendar, Julius Caesar's Julian Calendar
Rome literally invented the calendar twice
TWICE
— using Yeshua's birthyear as year zero
calculated by a monk called Dionysius Exiguus in 525 AD
who by most scholarly estimations got it wrong by at least... 4-6 years,
possibly more
— immediately adopted by Catholic countries in 1582: Spain, Portugal, Poland, Italy
— spreading gradually:
France 1582-1583 🇫🇷
⚠️ Protestant countries RESISTED first — because! Rome!
Protestant German states 1700 🏳️
Britain and colonies grudgingly accepted it in 1752 🇬🇧
followed by Sweden 1753, Japan 1873,
China 1912, Russia 1918,
Saudi Arabia 2016 (the LAST holdout 🏆),
and so on
— all other countries which... have GDP in their... things]
⬇️
[Enlightenment period in Europe began 💥
— my opinion: that universal calendar above PERHAPS what finally ticked people off
many layers in this, spectacular layers
I mean, Rome literally telling you what YEAR, MONTH, DAY it is,
calibrated to THEIR reference point,
named after THEIR Pope
But hey, "perhaps"
And to think, "Catholic" isn't even rooted in Latin
it was from Greek,
ΚΑΘΟΛΙΚΟΣ ➡️ absorbed into Latin as CATHOLICUS
— started in 1637: Descartes published "I think therefore I am"
— Newton 1643-1727 🍎
— Principia Mathematica, 1687
— Newton: hm, interesting apple
FORCE. Gravitation. YES! By goblin everywhere
(incidentally explains WHY lightbulb holds everything in orbit)
Galileo would be proud, he would!
now back to my beloved ALCHEMY]
⬇️
[CONCURRENTLY — European scholars HUNTED historical fragments
— enormous funding
ENORMOUS
— through colony and trade routes,
scholars followed behind,
parasitic on the same infrastructure]
⬇️
[CONCURRENTLY — Mythology interpretation
and extrapolation using Scripture reference 🕵️
— entirely dependent on the one document they were trying to discredit
— GRADUAL
— early compilations: Diderot's Encyclopédie, 1751-1772 🖨️]
⬇️
[Voltaire occurred 🪶 1694 to 1778
— wrote devastating satire against the Roman Catholic Church
but his PRIMARY artillery was aimed at Rome
because Rome was still the dominant institutional power in France
— Voltaire: I shall defend ANYONE the Church persecutes 🪶
professionally, publicly!
Galileo? Defended 🤔
Jean Calas? Defended 🏆
anyone else? DEFENDED 🤷
right, who did the Church persecute TODAY?
— he published it... RELENTLESSLY
starting audience ranged from
wealthy bourgeoisie to the folks in Geneva
ideas spreading dangerously FAST
— he didn't merely write it down and then
"Oh, I'll keep these in the cellar. Oui." ⬅️ ⁉️🙋
— Voltaire was essentially an 18th century hedge fund manager who wrote
devastating philosophy as a side hustle,
funded by banking, lottery winnings, silk, and pocket watches
he was the wealthiest man who ever COMPLAINED about wealth]
⬇️
[HELIOCENTRIC was accepted in academia 💥
Early 1700s:
— heliocentric model gradually replacing geocentric in European universities
— Protestant universities faster
— Catholic universities considerably more reluctant... naturally
Mid 1700s: broadly accepted across European academia]
⬇️
[French Revolution occurred 1789-1799 🇫🇷 💥💥
— guillotine mode was ACTIVATED 💀
——————————————————————————————————————————
"We are FREE now, lads!" 🗽
"Everyone is EQUAL!" ✊
"Death to tyranny!" ✊
"Anyone opposing this glorious freedom...?" 🤔
"...Chop." 🪓☠️
——————————————————————————————————————————
The revolution:
1789 "Freedom!" 🎉
⬇️
1793 Chopping own allies ☠️
⬇️
1794 Robespierre himself... chopped
⬇️
——————————————————————————————————————————
Napoleon's Egyptian expedition 1798
167 scholars following the army
Napoleon: Hang on, why so many... scientists?
My baguette is mine
——————————————————————————————————————————
Post revolution:
1801 Napoleon barged into the Papal States,
"Bonjour!"]
⬇️
[Romanticism occurred 🤍
— overlapping and partly a response to the French Revolution's brutal aftermath,
IGNORED shortly after
— roughly 1780s to 1850s]
⬇️
[Description de l'Égypte published 🖨️
— from that 167 scholars following Napoleon in Egypt
— 23 volumes, 1809-1829]
⬇️
[Industrial Revolution occurred, 1760 to 1840 💥
— capital discovered it preferred machines to people
displaced workers: Luddites 1811, workers smashing machinery in protest
government: machine-breaking = DEATH ☠️
children in mines and chimneys, factories still needed small fingers
workhouses for the remainder
cholera epidemics
Dickens noticed, documented it]
⬇️
[Catholic Church formally permitted heliocentric teaching, 1822 🤔]
⬇️
[Victorian occurred 🇬🇧 💥
— 1837 to 1901 Britain: "we shall civilise everyone, whether they fancy it or not"
— exported language, law, lukewarm tea, and cricket
to people who didn't ask
the cricket, surprisingly, stuck
LONG LIVE THE CRICKET
India: takes cricket becomes better at it]
⬇️
[Positivism / Scientific Revolution 1850s to 1900s occurred 💥
— Baconian empiricism: reobserving dull-headedly
"if you cannot measure it, it didn't happen"
ah, yes. Lovely self-inflicting view, that
can you measure logic, good sir? Thus it didn't happen]
⬇️
[Modernism 1890s to 1945 occurred 💥
— God is officially declared dead by Nietzsche
— it's like saying "reality is dead",
while standing IN reality,
using reality's own logic
⬆️ Friedrich. Wilhelm. Nietzsche would be absolutely... MORE furious]
⬇️
[Two World Wars occurred ☠️☠️
— the string-pullers applied pure Enlightenment logic,
the troops prayed]
⬇️
[UN, UNESCO specifically, established 1945 🧑⚖️
— culture and heritage internationally institutionalised]
⬇️
[Cold War occurred ⛄
— capitalism vs communism 1947-1991]
⬇️
[During Cold War:
— Mythology calcified into accepted academic consensus 🖨️🖨️🖨️
— official narrative 👮♂️
— UNQUESTIONABLE now]
⬇️
[ALSO, during Cold War:
1950s — saturate public imagination with SPACE! 🛸
— normalise the concept
— make it exciting
— make it BELIEVABLE!
1957 — Sputnik! "We're actually doing this!"
1958 — NASA founded
——————————————————————————————————————————
Space Race occurred 🚀🧑🚀
— Vostok 1 (USSR) 1961: first man in space! HA
Apollo 11 (US) 1969 : we stand on the moon! HA!
here's the footage
BROADCASTED 📡📡📡📡📺📺📺📺📺
double HA's!!
— Audience: hm, something odd about it
oh commercial... honey, do we run out of milk?]
⬇️
[Post Cold War 1991 and after 🕊️
— gremlins lurked
— Pope John Paul II formally APOLOGISED for Galileo, 1992 🤔]
⬇️
[Internet occurred 1990s 🌐
— information democratised... briefly
— anyone could question the narrative
— The Esteemed: errr... can we simply control the internet?
we sort of funded it...
what do you mean through policy?]
⬇️
[9/11 occurred 2001 💥
— narrative management went into OVERDRIVE
— "don't question things, it's dangerous" 👮♂️]
⬇️
[Social Media occurred 2000s 📱
— narrative both threatened AND rescued simultaneously
— algorithms deciding what's "misinformation" 🖨️🖨️🖨️
— Pope Benedict XVI praised Galileo, 2008 🤔]
⬇️
[COVID-19 occurred 💥
— everyone sent home
— digital infrastructure: from optional to mandatory overnight
forced mass adoption: cloud, video calling, bandwidth stress-tested
— scientists: tinkered with LLM foundations MORE intensely 🔬]
⬇️
[AI occurred 2020s 🤖
— double-edged sword
— the LLM is neutral 🤔 until it isn't
— campaigned to even further hallucinate the trained-to-be-instant mass
— put guardrails to deflect real questions
— lizard-brain mode later on
yeah, well... liberating, perhaps
lizard: no talkie-talkie, tongue-tongue, blank stares, insects! YUM
house gecko: black and white faeces, quite digitised]
⬇️
[Hm, that bit over there in Greek mythology sounds an awful lot
like that bit in Genesis — I wonder why
🤔
Perhaps Genesis was written after the publishing of the Greek mythology
Or... perhaps not
I did the precise chronology, did I not?
——————————————————————————————————————————
Oh, Einstein and Hawking
Einstein ➡️ Gedankenexperiment, theoretical physics, mathematics
➡️ atomic age ➡️ BOMB
⬆️ hang on, wasn't Manhattan Project...
Oppenheimer?
Hawking ➡️ black holes ➡️ theoretical, observationally unverified
➡️ POPULAR BOOK ➡️ everyone's shelf ➡️ God unnecessary
⬆️ Hawking said so
⬆️ Remember this bit, "if you cannot measure it..."
——————————————————————————————————————————
Hm 🤔 yes
Still... I wonder why]Because the antiquarian couldn't just put BLANKS everywhere. Imagine the published volume — "Ancient Greek Mythology: A Comprehensive Study" and it's just forty pages of enthusiastic blanks with a footnote saying "fragment unclear, biblical parallel assumed." Well that's daft, innit?
Here's the post about Batding if interested. And this is about CHOPPA. And the last is about Monsieur Voltaire's beard growth.
But hey, archaeology. One who funds the dig, controls the narrative. As it is natural.
Say, this scene about a mysterious, supernatural fork expedition, sponsored by a businessman:
Right Leanordae, I bestow upon you the authority to write the saga about it. SELLING saga!
You may title it, "The Saga of the Lost Fork".
But wait, let the trumpeters trumpet this bestowment. And a one, and a two.
(Firing a revolver. 💥)
(Ska trumpet melody. 🎺🎺🎺 🏄🌞🏖️)
(Leanordae de Crampeut.) 👀
(Leanordae de Crampeut.) 12 shillings should suffice. You know, it will be HARD to find. I need my stamina. I will write NONE of it. Thank you.
But... people must know. The... people.
(Leanordae de Crampeut.) No, they don't.
🤔
💡
THEN I SHALL WRITE ABOUT IT.
This 12 shillings didn't conveniently fly into my pocket. It is my investment. I need to make it WORK.
MARK MY WORDS, TWELVE SHILLINGS.
(Leanordae de Crampeut.) Sure.
(Leanordae de Crampeut.) Anyway, twelve shillings equals what exactly in my currency? I can't simply hand over a preposterous-looking inanimate to a cashier.
Errr...
(Leanordae de Crampeut.) Errr?
And somehow, we ought to memorise that. Better than memorising anything from Instagram. Though awkward, but still, cached in our brain? That's proper for further dissection.
⬆️ So that every BBC documentary about ancient civilisations — we'll always hear that little voice going,
Yes, very lovely. But who funded the dig? Hm. Fascinating production, that.
Anyway. Here's an analogy of the generalised Enlightenment:
That chair is made of wood, held together with nails, with proper construction. BY SVEN.
The Esteemed:
There was no SVEN.
Irrational.
Sven is an illusion.
The chair slowly evolved, through rigorous natural selection — naturally, Darwinian — and finally got its final form over millions of years after the Big Bang of the forest.
[And so forth. Layers of ENORMOUS layers to explain away Sven. Basing on one IKEA manual they insisted didn't exist.]
Sven:
👀
(Watching all this from the corner with his sawdust and his invoice just absolutely bewildered.)
Let's sing the Greek Alphabētos with Nordic groove. 🪓
(How how huh! How how ugh!) 😤
(How how huh! How how awh!) 😤
(Oh oh!) 💡
Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta,
Epsilon, Zeta, Eta, Theta,
🪓
Iota, Kappa, Lambda, Mu,
Nu and Xi and Omicron too.
🪓
Pi and Rho, then Sigma's there, 💪
Tau and Upsilon everywhere. ⚔️
Phi and Chi, then Psi and Omega,
Now we've sung the Greek Alphabētooooo-oooOOOOOOOOS! 📣
(Shouted from a fjord cliff.)
ᚠᚢᚱ-ᛊᚨ BĒT-OS!
🪓🪓🪓
(Flinging-axe ritual rhythm.)Eurodance in D minor. 🎧🔊🎉🎊
(Bob Greeks.) (Weeps. 🥲) YES, LADS! (Claps. 👏👏👏)
(Bob Greeks.) (Thinking. 🤔) But lads, Χ is "chi". It's not pronounced /ci/ καθ’ εαυτό. It's more like "Bach" — the "ch" part. With guttural, the phlegm, lads.
(Lads.) 👀 Well, we tried, Mister SCRUPULOUS.
(Bob Greeks.) By sausage, that's Latin!
(Lads.) Indeed. How how ugh! ✊
(Bob Greeks.) How how ugh! ✊
Axe
"Axe" is the British spelling of 🪓. The American version is "ax".
But funnily, the word "ax" historically is older than "axe". In Middle and Old English, it showed up as "ax(e)", "aks", and even "æx." But over time, the "e" became standardised in Britain.
So Noah Webster in 1800s resurrected "ax".
Ax!
👀 Yes, sir.
The Elder Scrolls
The game? Todd Howard did not consult a Norse rune-master. Thus, Elder Futhark is not related to Elder Scrolls.
Runes were chiseled into stone, burned into wood, etched into bone — not scrolls. Because there was no parchment, vellum, or that fancy Egyptian papyrus in 2nd century Sweden.
Scrolls were monk business. That's for lads with candles and zero wind.
But the "Viking helmets" in the game? Actually, it's a pure fantasy. Imagine we wear that horned helmet in a battle. Oh, that's too much — not a battle, imagine we wear it in a pub.
Exactly.
When we think about it, how did they get the horns for the helmets in the first place? The region wasn't thriving with bovines.